Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
