I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
