Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
