YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
