Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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