If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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