Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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