you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
