I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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