so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
