Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
