At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
