remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
