took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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