brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
