He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
