i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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