Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
