broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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