Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
