you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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