I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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