Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
