The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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