Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
