I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
