I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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