omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
