gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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