I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
