wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sarcasm needs its own font
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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