i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
