It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
