i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
