I think I died a long time ago.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
