i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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