So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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