It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
