Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
