How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
