you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My ass is underappreciated
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
