I need to stop coming to work sober
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She told me I should be a condom model.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
