even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
