God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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