Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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