capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
