Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
