And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
