she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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