i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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