what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
