I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would ride that face into the sunset
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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